rating: PG 13
characters/pairing: Sam, Dean, Lady Toni Bevell, references to offscreen Sam/Lady Bevell (hallucinations)
warnings: spoilers, ptsd, references to off screen non-con and torture
summary: When the adrenaline starts to wear off, Sam breaks.
A/N: coda to episode s12e21 There's Something About Mary. Spoilers for season 12.
Also on AO3
Dean screamed in frustration and slammed his hand against the door, and just like that, everything flooded through Sam.
The adrenaline was subsiding, giving him the shakes.
He could smell Lady Bevell's hair and feel her body pressed against him, again, except, not again because the first time wasn't real.
The bile rose in his throat and his hands shook as his vision wavered.
He managed to grab Lady Bevell by the hair and pin her against the wall. "Dean!"
"Sam?" Dean rushed down the stairs. "Sam, what's wrong?"
Sam released Lady Bevell and collapsed against the table. "Put her in the dungeon. Enochian cuffs. Check her for weapons first."
Dean frowned, looking from Sam to Lady Bevell. "The dungeon? We could handcuff her to a chair up here."
Sam shook his head. "No! I can't ... Get her out of here. I can't think with her here."
"Oh, Sam," Lady Bevell cooed. "I didn't realize our little interlude meant that much to you. I know it was good for you but..."
"Shut UP!" Sam shouted, covering his ears with his hands.
"Was this because of what I said about your mother and Mr. Ke ..."
"SHUT UP!" both Dean and Sam shouted.
He was back in the cellar, tied to a chair, his underwear wet and sticky while Lady Bevell smirked at him.
"Was it good for you?"
"Sam!" Dean shouted.
But Dean was dead so it wasn't real. Dean died to stop Amara. Dean wasn't coming and why wouldn't this bitch just kill him and be done with it so he could be with Dean in the Empty?
There was arguing, Dean and Lady Bevell but he couldn't focus on what they were saying. Dean is dead so it can't be real. No Dean isn't'dead, Dean was there and Mom was there and they got out. Mick made Lady Bevell let them go but now Mick is dead and Mom has gone with them and he and Dean are trapped in the Bunker with Lady Bevell.
Maybe it's all a dream. Maybe Lucifer was right. Maybe he never got out. Maybe he's going to wake up in a minute with Lucifer's hand around his liver. He's still in the Cage or he's in the Cage again and Dean is dead or living with Lisa and Mick wasn't real and Eileen wasn't real.
He opened his eyes long enough to see that there was a glass on the table. He grabbed it.
It's cold. It's real. That means the Bunker is real.
Dean is here. Lady Bevell is here. She can't hurt him now because she's going to be in the dungeon.
Where is Ms. Watt? He never asked Mick. He thought she went wherever Lady Bevell went but he never actually asked Mick and now Lady Bevell is back so is Ms. Watt back?
"Sam!" Dean curled one hand around Sam's neck and the other covered Sam's hand that was rubbing his scar. "Sam, it's okay. We're in the Bunker and that bitch is chained up where she can't hurt you. We're going to get out and we're going to get Mom back and we're going to make those sons of bitches pay. Every last one of them. We're going to burn the British Men of Letters down. They're going to wish they had never heard of us."
Sam nodded, because he knew that's what Dean wanted.
"You're here, Sam. You're in the Bunker." Dean repeated. "Nothing's gonna happen to you while I'm here."
Dean leaned his forehead against Sam's, and Sam timed his breathing with Dean's.
Dean is real. Dean is solid. Dean is scared, and it's Sam's fault.
The Bunker was so very quiet, like it hasn't been since the day they first arrived.
Sam could hear the little hitches to Dean's breath that he tries to cover.
Lady Bevell shouted somewhere off in the distance, but Sam couldn't make out what she said
After a few minutes, Sam straightened and nodded at the question in Dean's eyes.
"I'm okay. I'm okay. This is real. We're in the Bunker. And everything's gone to shit. As usual." Sam said.
Dean nodded and relaxed slightly.
"I'm gonna go down to the electrical room, see if I can figure out what they did to the power and water and ventilation." Sam continued. "You wanna see if you can find a way out?"
"Yeah," Dean nodded, backing away slowly. "Yeah, that's good Sammy. I'll see if I can find us a way out, and you see if you can get us back online to be able to survive down here."
"You know they've probably set booby traps." Sam continued. "Both in here, trying to keep us here and helpless, and outside, in case we are able to get out."
"Yeah." Dean agreed. "Be careful."
Dean headed off toward the garage, and Sam went down to the control room because Dean doesn't go down there any more since he tried to kill Sam with a hammer.
But the Bunker is so very quiet, like it hasn't been since the day they first arrived, and Sam can hear Dean's footsteps backtrack down the hall toward the dungeon, and the door creak open.
"What the hell did you do to my brother?"